Objectifying Men: Air Force Guy #1

Air Force Guy #1

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So... tonight I slept with a guy I haven't slept with for a few months. I remembered that he had a great dick and great abs, but I had forgotten that he was deathly afraid of house cats. More on this later.

Apparently I had forgotten quite a bit about him, unfortunately only remembering the most important details (nice body and the big dick). He is in the Air Force here locally, which is practically a guarantee of a nice body.

However, I had forgotten just how much he talks. He talks about himself... He talks to himself... And he asks me stupid questions. Like really stupid questions. So I know that "there are no stupid questions..." so let's just say that he asked me very childlike questions.

For example: "Did you move?"

"Did I live here when you came over for sex last time?" I asked with a straight face.

"No."

"Then yes, I did move."

"Oh. Is that why there are moving boxes here?"

Seriously??? I can't even...

"Did you miss me?" he asked.

I stared at him blankly.

"Probably not as much as I missed you," he added. This made it even more awkward.

He also wanted to kiss me on the mouth (which I hate).

Not that this was shocking to me, but I was annoyed when he asked me to have sex without a condom. He had already asked me via text message if he could not use a condom. To which I responded:

"Laughing my fucking ass off."

I didn't even abbreviate. I literally spelled it out for him. I figured that he should know that I was literally laughing my fucking ass off at his stupid fucking question. The question could've also been phrased, "Do you think you'd like to get herpes and pregnant today?"

As tempting as that was, I declined (rudely... because WTF).

Once he got naked, I remembered why I enjoyed sleeping with him.

However, during foreplay and sex, he started fishing for compliments. Such as "I like how big my dick looks in your hand."

I responded, "I also like how big your dick looks in my hand." This was definitely one of the more awkward things I've said during sex... but certainly not the worst.

While the sex itself was pretty good, I had to keep giving him explicit instructions, such as "Please don't pull out so far; that's going to end badly." I almost told him that that's how it happened that he accidentally stuck it in my ass last time… However I wasn't 100% sure that that was him, so I elected to leave that part out.

After sex, he took forever and a day to put his clothes back on. It was like he was layering for fall. I didn't know that that was a thing that straight guys did a lot of. It would've been like the world's longest game of strip poker to play with him. Not that I ever would non-sexually recreate with him...

As it turns out, he is also very afraid of cats. Since I have two, this made the evening more entertaining for me. He was especially afraid of my smaller cat. She chased him around my living room at a walking pace. To put this in perspective, he is a 6'4" ripped military man. And she is an 11 lb long-haired puffball who could only be considered medium-sized because of her moderate obesity.

She waddled after him, probably hoping for petting, and he tried to keep his composure as he tried to outpace her (which wasn't hard, on account of the fact that she was walking). She "chased" him around the living room several times, down the hall, through the kitchen, and back to the living room. And then around again in the living room a few times. I let this go on for at least a minute before picking her up so he could flee.

Why was he afraid of my sweet little house cat?

Well... when I asked him why, he said somberly, "they jump up and scratch you."

I asked him why he thought that was the case with all cats, and he responded, "I saw it on Tumblr."

I still can't even.

I told him I would walk him out.