Objectifying Men: Reno Hookup #1

Reno Hookup #1

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This story could accurately be called “The Most Confusing Sexual Encounter of My Life.”

It all started out so simply. While on a volunteering-related trip to the “Biggest Little City” with a friend, I made a few arrangements for men to meet me at my hotel, the first of which being arguably the most disastrous.

I should have known this would end poorly by the way he was texting me the entire day, and mentioning how he just got out of a serious relationship. He also insisted that he would have to sleep there in my hotel room so as to make it to his sports practice in the morning (which I reluctantly agreed to). Worst of all, the dick pic that he sent wasn’t very clear or revealing! These were just a few of the red flags that I chose to ignore in light of his college-athlete body and willingness to deliver himself to my hotel.

He told me that he would like to come over earlier rather than later, as he had practice in the morning. Unfortunately for him, my rental minivan (a silver Chrysler Town & Country) had to be serviced prior to renting, and then my friend and I elected to go through the (slowest ever) Taco Bell drive thru… as though eating Taco Bell directly before sex has ever ended well for me (or my hookup du jour).

I finally met him on the roof of the Harrah’s parking garage (I do realize how unappealing that sounds). I then made him wait in the back of my Chrysler Town & Country while my friend and I ate our (sub-par at best) Taco Bell. It was fairly awkward... and part of me loved that.

Once I finished eating and checked into my hotel room (which got two double beds!), I left him in my room to go attend an official event party in the hotel. It was certainly a risk leaving a stranger with all of my belongings. However, I don’t have anything worth stealing (which is a separate problem I should address at some point).

When I returned to my room, he was sleeping in one of the beds. Since there were two beds, I figured one would be for me to sleep in, and the other would be for sex/making him sleep in.

I decided to shower before waking him, and a quick washing of my PTA (Pussy, Tits, and Ass) would do.

“How about I just go down on you tonight, and we can have sex tomorrow night?” he offered groggily when I came out of the bathroom.

“No thank you,” I replied. Not only do I never prefer cunnilingus to sex, but I also still had parasites from my recent trip to South America… so I thought it would be nice of me to not risk transmission. Furthermore morning sex is not a thing that appeals to me often.

I didn’t waste any time in getting on top of him and trying to take his clothes off. He resisted. I argued. He argued back.

I finally prevailed, only to find a small dick. Alright, so it was probably 6 inches long, but it wasn’t particularly girthy either. And his extra-large stature made the situation appear even more minuscule.

“Damn!” I thought to myself, “I should have asked for another dick pic. Oh well. He is here. I can work with 6 inches. It is certainly not going on my mouth though.”

“Hey, will you put it in your mouth?” he asked with impeccable timing.

“No,” I said, neglecting to mention that it was because it was unappealingly small.

“Come on, can I get some head?”

“No…” I said slowly, trying to think of a reason that would sound plausible and not hurt his feelings.

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to,” I said unapologetically, deciding that I didn’t need a reason or owe him an explanation.

He then tried to kiss my face. I hate that. I turned away and asked him where his condoms were.

He finally put on his (regular-sized) condom and I put lube on it (which I probably didn’t need in light of his lack of girth). He stuck it in and I started to try to figure out how I was going to make this work for me.

I wondered how much the pay-per-view porn might be. That could have added a little more ambiance to the space… However, the non-profit was paying for my room, and I decided it was best to not risk having to explain the charge.

I was still musing about whether or not I could put the charge on my credit card at checkout when he suddenly pulled out and rolled over.

“What the hell?” I demanded.

“I’m tired. And this way, you will have to come back for more tomorrow night.”

That is, most certainly, not how that works.

I felt the anger well up inside of me.

“I won't be doing that,” I said (through gritted teeth) as I got up and moved to the other bed.

I proceeded to touch myself (while I glared at him) until I came. He watched silently from the other bed like a scared little boy.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

I got up and headed back into the shower, hoping he would be gone by the time I emerged. No such luck. And he wasn’t even asleep! Apparently, he was waiting for me to come back so that he could start a serious (but unrelated to his craven performance) conversation with me.

“So where in Vegas do you live?” he asked, and followed up with mention of how frequently he visits Las Vegas… as though I would have any desire to repeat the train wreck of an experience I had just endured (and was still enduring).

He went on to talk about his education, his small business, his travels, and even his family while I stared at him in disbelief. He then asked me about the Las Vegas real estate market. I answered him as briefly as I could without being a total bitch.

He finally announced that he was going to go to sleep… but not before adjusting my thermostat.

“Seriously?” I asked rhetorically. “This is MY hotel room.”

“Well I was doing you a favor,” he replied. “Your REM cycles will be better if you sleep with the ambient temperature low.”

I wanted to punch him in his smug face. I didn’t, but I wanted to.

Of course he began to snore loudly as soon as he fell asleep. It sounded like a bulldozer being operated by a man whistling a tune poorly.

“Maybe someday, I will learn not to ignore a ridiculous number of red flags,” I thought as I finally managed to drift off to sleep.