This is the first MBA player I have slept with this year. Probably. And really, I don't follow sports... so he could actually be just a random 6'7" guy who has a great body and claims to be in the NBA... Doesn't matter. My vagina doesn't know the difference. 

It started with a lengthy conversation with this very tall gentleman on tinder. The whole process took over an hour, but the highlights were as follows:

Me asking for a dick pic, him denying me the dick pic, me asking how tall he was, me telling him to uber over to my condo, and me calling the gate guard with the name of the gentleman caller (which I have forgotten completely).

Now the gate guards at my condo complex all know as much as you do about my sex life...

Anyway...when the basketball player gave me his number, I discovered that we had a text message history... Apparently, I had talked to him two years ago when the summer league was in town. It seems he had refused to send me a dick pic and I stopped talking to him.

This year however, I was feeling lucky. 

By "lucky," I really mean "thirsty."

I also felt justified in not shaving anything (meaning my vagina) because I was still a little mad that he wouldn't send a dick pic. I had about 2 1/2 weeks worth of bush grown out... so maybe like 1/6 of my potential bush. 

When he arrived, I served him tequila in my porcelain teacups that my godmother gave me (because that seems to make men uncomfortable and I love that).

I have a teapot shaped like a chicken (that is another story), but I forgot to use it. :(

I generally find it difficult to write about those sexual encounters that go well (as the entries are more like erotica than commentary)... but I'll try. 

His dick was much bigger than I thought it would be. It was probably 7 inches long, but had substantial girth. 

While I generally appreciate an uncut cock, this situation seemed different. He had too much foreskin... and it was way too tight around the head. I wasn't sure if it was even loose enough to push down. The skin was so long that it covered the entire head and then gathered a bit at the top. Somehow the dick in the tight skin reminded me of a youtube video of putting a diabetic foot into a compression sock... which is probably why he doesn't send dick pics...

I decided to not even try to move the skin. I just asked him to get a condom immediately.

Of course, he didn't bring any. Charming. And so unexpected <exaggerated eye roll here>.

So I grabbed a magnum from my top drawer and put it on him carefully so as not to disturb the foreskin situation.

It took me a minute (and a lot of gun oil) to get it in. But then, it was awesome!

I love love love slutty men! They aren't afraid to get up in there and beat it up. Also they don't cry if I have to yell at them (which happens fairly frequently).

I'm not saying all athletes are sluts... but... I'm not not-saying it...

I made him stay on top for an inordinate amount of time because the view from below was amazing (also I am lazy). His abs were on point, his shoulders were broad and his face I was ignoring. Because of his low body fat percentage, I could see every muscle engage, and that is one of my favorite things in life. 

He got me off twice along the way, with him doing most (like 90%) of the work. #winning #nbasummerleague

It wasn't awkward until I almost had him out the door and he turned and said, "I am going to call you."

I stared at him for a minute, then just closed the door slowly with an uncomfortable look on my face.

Very smooth, Cristina.

Email me for the dick pic :) objectifyingmen@gmail.com
"So am I in your top 5?" he asked.

Um... thanks everyone for voting (on my @objectifyingmen fb page)! You helped me break a tie (and rob a cradle)!

Background: I was between fucking a 19-year-old NCAA football player and a 24-year-old Air Force guy. The teenager had better abs, and ultimately won the vote by a landslide. So I invited him over for sex.


I keep forgetting that teenage males make me want to punch them in the throat. This desire was elicited in me on a couple of occasions that night.

Now, as I'm writing this at a coffee shop, I am ignoring his texts like:

"So am in your top 5?"

This isn't the first time he has asked me this... it is probably the fourth. The first time (which was right after sex), I just laughed (which should have answered his question).The second time, I tried to deflect by asking why he wanted to hear about me sleeping with other guys... And the third and fourth times, I have just ignored the messages.

The only reason I haven't been forthcoming with him is that he seems too young to crush his spirit. I also feel badly blocking his number... but it will probably have to happen.

But, really?? Top 5??? Like ever? 

Bitch please.

That said, he did have a really, really big dick (email me for the pic I took). It was big enough to make my gay friends wince a little! 

He started the encounter by biting my neck... which was not as sexy as it sounds.. it was more like a painful predatory bite <occasion 1 of wanting to punch him in the throat>. 

I yelled at him, and told him I would punch him if it happened again. And i kind of wish he had done it again so I could have (I should probably talk to a therapist about that).

I started on top, so I could ease onto his enormous dick at my own pace. That went well until my thighs got sore. I would like to say it was 15 minutes of me being on top... but it was probably more like 4...

He was not good from behind. He kept sticking it in too far and pounding on my cervix. After the second time I told him to knock it off, he lost his doggie-style privileges <occasion 2>.

I made him get on top. That wasn't the best either. I could work with it, but the rhythm was no bueno. I can't exactly articulate why it wasn't working better...

He tried to put my legs up behind his ears. I wasn't about to give him control of the depth with a huge cock and bad rhythm...

He tried again. I said "no" in a tone that should have been followed with a rolled-up newspaper. He also had the balls to announce, "When I tell you to do something, you do it."

Bitch please.

I laughed in his face. If he hadn't said it so timidly (like this was the first time he was trying out the line), I might have actually been mad. I gave him enough pointers while he was on top so I could get mine (twice). 

Afterward, he insisted on flushing the condom down my toilet in stead of throwing it away like I asked.

"It's a fraternity rule!" he announced. <occasion 3>

I consoled myself by thinking about how much cheaper a plumber would be that if I had had to pay to sleep with a teenage prostitute. I don't know exactly how much that would cost, but I mean to find out before I let my appearance go.

Afterward, he kept lying naked on my bed. 

I got up and put my clothes on... and he kept lying in my bed.

I brushed my teeth... and he kept lying in my bed.

"So..." I said as gently as I could (to avoid scarring him more than I already had), "I have to get up early in the morning..." He kept lying in my bed.

"Can I walk you out now, I stated. It should have been a question, but I really wasn't asking.

He finally got up and started getting dressed. And that's when it happened the first time: 

"So am I in your top 5?"

I laughed and walked him out.

"So we can do this again next time I'm in town, right?"

Bitch please.

While his skill was lacking, he was still able to stay hard for something like an hour and a half (and had a huge dick). So thanks for voting! And please vote next time I can't decide! :)
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ABOUT ME

Empowered female.

PURPOSE

My raison d’etre is to bring about social equality. For women, such as myself, that means being empowered and empowering other women. There are so many aspects of our lives in which we can practice this, but I choose to focus on our sexuality, because it is a particular passion of mine. Men have been objectifying us for thousands of years. So why are we so late to the party? I enjoy sex (a lot), and I think you should too. I respect myself (a lot), and I think you should too. I would like to show you what this looks like for me. I will not embellish nor exclude any significant details, no matter how private social norms say they should be. It is time for women to step into the light, and start living every day exactly the way we desire. We no longer have to live under the thumb of a man. Nor do we have to live in his shadow. We will only live under the weight of his scrutiny so long as we allow ourselves to. Our self-worth is in no way determined by the opinions of men (or anyone else, for that matter), but by our own opinions of ourselves. No longer will our bodies be subjected to scrutiny, without scrutiny in return. No longer will a man with a child-sized penis feel that he has any ground to stand on when making disparaging remarks about a woman’s body. Fuck him and his little penis. We are strong, and we are worthy. We don't need permission.

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